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Unconditional love is a myth: Here's why


Unconditional love
My love is unconditional, just like this heart is unbreakable.

I know I sound jaded here. Cynical even. Pessimistic at worst. But hey, hear me out. I will make it simple. And if you still disagree with me at the end of the day, you can kill me over the comments. I promise I will read through all of them and still stick to my opinion. Pinky promise.


Unconditional love is the ideal, isn't it? The person on the other side, be it family, a friend or a lover, should love and accept you no matter what. Sounds nice. A warm blanket for your ego. Makes you feel special. Too bad it doesn't exist. Boooo.


I am not saying that love does not exist. Love exists, but it is always conditional. It is not as bad as it sounds. It is actually a good thing. Love is mutual. It is that mutuality that makes it a healthy relationship. Unconditional love sounds like an obsession to me. No terms, no conditions, you can do whatever you want? Nightmare!


This is a discussion I have had millions of times with my friends, and there is one argument that they come up with without fail:

What about a mother's love?

Ah, the classic example. Sure, mothers are great. Most of them anyway. Won't argue that point. But, what makes you think a mother's love is unconditional? You being her child IS the condition! Think she would love you the same if you weren't born as her child? I don't think so.


Your father loves you because you are his child. Your sibling loves you because you are their sibling. Your lover loves you because you are hot and funny (to them). Your pet loves you because you give them food and affection. Now, let's face it, if you mess up enough, push the boundaries a bit too far, the chances are that they will stop loving you eventually.




Let's normalize earned love

So, we have established one thing. Hoping for unconditional love is like hoping for a bottomless pit of icecream that never melts without paying a single penny.


Even so, don't be disheartened. There is something better than unconditional love. It is earned love. Rather than living in the fairy tale of loving or being love without rhyme or reason, earned love is something that stems from choice. It is a conscious decision you make and work for.

I am not asking you to jump all the metaphorical hoops for the person you love. However, effort matters. The day you stop making efforts, you are writing the beginning to the end of the relationship. My dear readers, let's ditch the fairy tale of unconditional love and embrace open communication, healthy boundaries and mutual respect. Love with all your heart, but with terms and conditions attached.


Now, let me listen and sing along to Unconditionally by Katy Perry. Bye.


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