Confidence is key. You can say the dumbest things and get away with it if you have uttered it with unwavering confidence. I have come to this conclusion from my superior life experiences. I don't need to heed my own advice as I am very smart and intelligent. (Said with utmost confidence).
We are all guilty of a few guilty pleasures, aren't we? I have taken the liberty of listing out a few here that every human being from time immemorial has indulged in. Yes, EVERY SINGLE HUMAN EVER. (Confidence baby!) From the extensive research that I have never done, this author has come to the conclusion that humans are weird weirdos.
Running out of conversation topics is a nightmare! Often, with acquaintances, I find myself planning conversation topics so that the conversation does not turn awkward. The solution is simple. Gossip.
Works every single time. Don't you judge me with your beady little eyes. I know you have done it too.
2. Pretending to hear a story for the first time
This one is a particular favourite of mine. Many people have the habit of repeating their stories. (Should I have included that as a guilty pleasure?) My father is very guilty of this one. One of his particular favourites is when he was lost in a new city. He ended up bribing God to find his way. Let me tell you a secret. He cheated God. He found his way and God is still waiting for his bribe. This happened 25 years ago. I have heard this story 348 times (I am not a loser who keeps count). I pretend to hear it for the first time every time he narrates it. Aren't I sweet?
Haven't we all done this in our life? Don't we end up feeling proud of ourselves? Does that mean this isn't a guilty pleasure? Is it a pleasurable pleasure?
3. Picking your nose
I know your secret and I am making it public. You are dirty. You pick your nose and you like it. The early men did it. We do it. It is everyone's guilty pleasure. I won't believe you if you say you do not do it. Although, you have to believe me when I say that I absolutely do not. This author is a very classy person.
This is a judgement-free zone. You can drop me a message on how you love to pick your nose. I promise I will not laugh or judge. You can expect my full support. In fact, I think there should be a movement that would take off the stigma of picking one's own nose! My nose, my pickings! How dare you judge?
4. Silent farts
You are in a business meeting. Your career depends on it. You fart silently.
You are in an exam hall. You fart silently.
You are at your own wedding. You are pledging your troth to your beloved. You fart silently.
You are living alone because no one loves you. You fart loud and proud.
Silent farts are not just a guilty pleasure. They are one of the basic necessities of life. The pleasure that you get when you release a poof of air is just a bonus. I rest my case. Thank you.
5. Shower Rockstar!
You are on stage! You are singing! You are dancing! There is a huge crowd to cheer you! The cheers are deafening! Your performance is breathtaking! And you are covered in soap. It is all part of the show.
Everyone is guilty of having their own show in their shower. Personally, I get invited to talk shows where I charm everyone with my talent and wit. I am really witty. They should invite me for real. (Dear talk show hosts, are you reading this?)
Do you have weird guilty pleasures of your own? Let me know!